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Hi everyone! I’m Mrs B_ and I am proud to be both Melanie’s mom and her disciplinarian. She has been asking me for a while to write a column for her blog, so that I can share my thoughts and ideas, especially on the parental discipline of daughters aged 18 and over. Melanie’s viewpoint comes across in her choice of pictures and especially in her captions and descriptions. I think she does this very well – I know that she puts a lot of thought into each of the images and she will often ask for my opinion before she posts them here. I shall be sharing my own thinking, from the viewpoint of disciplinarian, which I hope might be of some interest to readers. I shall be giving details of the ‘arrangement’ which we have in our home. I shall try to set out the philosophy behind it and also give plenty of detail on the practical side of spanking and other elements of our disciplinary code. Please do feel free to join in the discussion by posting your on topic comments right here in Disciplinarians Corner and I shall be delighted to answer any questions you might have on Discipline and the Modern Miss!
It all began back when Melanie was aged 16 and one day she asked me why I didn’t spank her? She told me that some of her friends frequently received discipline spankings from their parents and she thought she should be disciplined in that way also. Well I thought it was a strange request, but I explained to Melanie that her father and I didn’t hold with spanking children and that was why we had never spanked her. But after that first conversation Melanie raised the subject again with me several times, so I told her that if she still felt the same way when she turned 18 then her father and I would consider her request. Actually I thought that she was going through a phase and that her craving for old-fashioned discipline would pass. But I was wrong! Melanie had thought very deeply about it.
Over the next year or so we had many more mother/daughter conversations on discipline, which we both found very interesting and enjoyable. And then, on the very day of her 18th birthday, I agreed that from that day on Melanie would be disciplined by spanking. She was delighted and was happy to accept whatever standards of behavior I would set for her. For me of course this felt like a big responsibility as I had now to step up as a mom and take on the role of a strict disciplinarian, which was of course an entirely new role for me within the family home. But I had agreed to the arrangement and so the obligation was on me to adjust to that role and see how things would unfold.
That was two years ago – and things have unfolded in a very positive way for us as a family. Of course it was very challenging for all of us – especially to begin with when I was quite nervous and unsure of how to proceed. But within just a few weeks the disciplinary arrangement began to take shape in a very practical way and the benefits of that arrangement soon became apparent in terms of a much improved dynamic within the family home.
More details to follow – and as you can see Melanie has been inspired to add appropriate pictures, which we hope will make this rather wordy column a little more entertaining for readers!
I thought at this point I’d write a little about why I believe that spanking is such an excellent form of discipline for girls aged 18 and over, who are still living at home with their parents. Looking back on it now, in the time before our disciplinary arrangement came into being, I can see how unsatisfactory things were in terms of family interaction within the home. Melanie pretty much did as she pleased and although both myself and my husband had a good relationship with our daughter, I think it is fair to say that things did not always run smoothly. Melanie was not very badly behaved, but I couldn’t say that she was well-behaved either. What she lacked was boundaries and parental guidance – so she didn’t quite know how she should behave.
Well on her 18th birthday all that changed. Suddenly Melanie found that there were a whole lot of house rules in place and the consequences for any breach of those rules would be very real indeed. Of course she didn’t become perfect overnight, but gradually, week by week, the new discipline code began to turn her behavior and attitude around and as her disciplinarian I began to feel this wonderful sense of positive empowerment. Every time I took Melanie over my lap I felt that at last I had a way of providing my daughter with the kind of positive guidance that she needed. I felt that I was giving Melanie exactly what she needed, at exactly the right time in her life and I could see that she was absolutely thriving on this old-fashioned form of discipline.
It felt like we had found a way of achieving just the right balance within our family home and that, in some very important way, the natural order of things had been restored. By that I mean that Melanie had been given her proper place within our home and that place was subject to our authority as her parents. Now I don’t expect that such an arrangement would work in every home, but it is an option that I believe all parents should seriously consider, especially as girls today are remaining within the family home for much longer than in previous generations. I would suggest that parents should quietly discuss the matter with their daughters as they approach the age of 18. That way the issue is out in the open and with the offer left on the table, each girl can then consider whether or not she wishes as an 18 year old to give her consent to such an arrangement and benefit from that good, old-fashioned discipline that only her parents can provide.
It is very important for parents who are considering introducing their 18+ daughters to old-fashioned discipline in an arrangement of this kind, to give some real thought to procedure. If discipline is worth doing, then it is worth taking the time to do it well.
Stage one is the lecture. This involves me sitting down with Melanie and calmly explaining to her precisely why her behavior in this instance was unacceptable. Usually Melanie knows she has crossed the line, will apologise and accept that she needs to be disciplined.
So with the lecture stage completed, I then take my position on our spanking chair, which is just a wood chair with a padded seat which I have set aside for this purpose. Then Melanie stands at my side and I instruct her to bend over my knee. I take some time to settle her into the perfect position. It is important that her position is both stable and comfortable for both of us, as she is going to be there for some time. Next I will flip up her skirt and take her panties right down to her knees. There is no rush, so I take my time and do everything in a methodical way. This is all part of a routine with which Melanie has become very familiar. Then I pause, place my left hand gently on her back, raise my right hand and begin smacking her bottom.
It is important that a spanking should last long enough to be a meaningful experience. So I will have Melanie over my knee for at least five minutes, for the more minor cases of misbehavior or attitude which arise very often and which I want to deal there and then with a quick bare-bottom smacking with just my hand. For more serious misbehavior I will use both hand and hairbrush on Melanie’s behind, so such a spanking can take a few minutes longer to complete.
When all of the spanking is done, the third stage of our disciplinary process is corner time, which involves Melanie standing with her hands on her head and facing the wall for fifteen minutes. After that I give Melanie a hug and everything can return to normal. In this way an instance of misbehavior, which might have led to a great deal of disharmony within the family home, can be dealt with quickly and efficiently, to the satisfaction of us all.
When the new discipline code is in place and everyone has become well-acquainted with the house rules and the routines and procedures by which those rules are upheld, then the improvement in the atmosphere within the family home will become apparent. Parents will feel that righteous sense of empowerment that comes with their newfound roles as loving disciplinarians of their 18 year old daughters.
For the first six months or so discipline in our home was very much focused on correcting forms of negative behavior which Melanie had developed during her teenage years. All parents of teen girls will be familiar with these as they are so commonplace nowadays. These can take the form of lack of consideration for others, failing to respect parental authority, disobedience, lying, insolence, swearing etc,etc,etc. All of these are forms of naughtiness. Our new discipline code made it perfectly clear that all of these behaviors from Melanie were completely unacceptable and would require a firm disciplinary response from us as her parents.
So that first six months was very much a period of adjustment for our daughter and we didn’t let her get away with anything. So if she showed even a trace of disrespect or bad attitude, she would find herself taking a trip over my knee with her panties down for a good, sound spanking on her bare bottom. Through constant reinforcement in this way, with lectures, spankings and corner time, Melanie’s behavior began to improve. Not overnight by any means, but week by week we began to see real improvement.
So it is most important for parents who wish to take their 18 year old daughters in hand in this way, to be absolutely consistent from day one. A very firm hand is most definitely required and a readiness to apply that firm hand – (and indeed the hairbrush – I shall be writing more on the topic of appropriate disciplinary implements later) – to your daughter’s behind each and every time she is naughty. In this way negative behavior and attitude can be turned around and a good foundation can be laid for an ongoing program of continuous improvement.
I have found that appropriate disciplinary implements can be very useful tools, as they really do help me in my role as disciplinarian, to provide our daughter with creative and memorable chastisement. However it is important that the use of implements should be discussed in detail as part of the agreed arrangement between parents and their 18+ daughters.
In the early stages, Melanie was spanked by hand and over the knee. After a few weeks we agreed to introduce her to the hairbrush. The hairbrush is a very useful implement for rounding off an over the knee spanking. It produces a very effective sting to the bare bottom with very little effort. So I can use it just like my hand – just a quick movement of the wrist is needed to administer a hairbrush smacking that is really sound and effective.
After Melanie had become accustomed to the hairbrush, we gradually introduced her to other implements. First I tried a leather belt, with her bending over the arm of our leather couch. The position was perfect, but I found the belt unsatisfactory. Melanie suggested a leather tawse, so we purchased one from an online supplier. It was quite expensive, but beautifully made for the purpose, in heavy, brown leather with two tails. I found that I could apply it easily and accurately across Melanie’s upturned bottom and with very good results.
Next we acquired an English school cane. It has a crook handle and is nice and thin and swishy. I had to learn how to use the cane, so I practised on a pillow so that I was sure of my control and accuracy before applying it to Melanie’s behind. With the cane I find it best to assign a limited number of strokes and then apply each with vigor, with long pauses between each stroke. The cane leaves pink stripes across Melanie’s behind, but because it is so light in weight, it doesn’t bruise and the pink marks disappear after 24 hours or so.
Other implements we have used since then include freshly cut switches from the garden and birch twigs tied together, which I can use as an alternative to the hairbrush, when I have Melanie in position over my knee. More recently Melanie has expressed an interest in the French martinet – which is a little multi-thong whip that was traditionally used for the discipline of girls in France. Melanie has asked her Dad if he can make one in his workshop, so I’m sure that an elegant martinet will be added to our collection of disciplinary implements in the near future. So you can see that we do have plenty of options which allow us to provide our daughter with a variety of chastisements, which she will find as memorable as they are effective.
As Melanie’s mom, I am pretty much in charge of discipline on a day to day basis. But it was important to us as a couple that parental responsibility for our daughter was shared. So that Melanie could see clearly that both Mom and Dad were completely in accord when it came to disciplinary matters. So it was important that her father had a clearly defined role, even though he was busy with work for most of the week.
For this reason Melanie has a Weekly Review with her father in his home office/study room, every Friday evening after dinner. This is his opportunity to provide Melanie with paternal guidance, as he reviews her conduct over the past seven days and to address any areas of concern with appropriate paternal discipline. So for Melanie, Weekly Review is quite a big thing, as this is when she is required to explain herself to her father and then accept the consequences for any misbehavior as he sees fit.
Sometimes I attend Weekly Review in person to witness and sometimes, if I am out on Friday evening, I provide Melanie’s father with a short report in writing. So he always knows, week to week, exactly how Melanie has been behaving and what aspects of her behavior he most needs to address. One hour is set aside for Weekly Review which provides him with plenty of time for discussion, lecture and discipline.
Melanie’s father has his own discipline routine. Nothing is rushed and he always insists on perfect posture and presentation from her. He will begin by taking her over his knee, raising her skirt and spanking her on the seat of her panties. Then he will take her panties down to her knees and spank her on the bare bottom. Unlike me he doesn’t use the hairbrush, but he has her over his knee for much, much longer than I do, so the smackings that Melanie gets from her dad are just as effective as my hairbrush spankings. And this over the knee spanking is just the beginning! Melanie will also receive two implements at Weekly Review – usually a strapping with the leather tawse, bending across her father’s big, wood desk, followed by twelve strokes of the cane – six bending over the desk and then six touching her toes, when she is required to keep her legs together and perfectly straight. This Melanie finds very demanding, as the school cane, though light in weight, stings like crazy!
After Weekly Review, Melanie has fifteen minutes corner-time – standing on her little ‘naughty step’ out in the hall with her hands on her head and facing the mirror – to reflect on what she has got wrong in the previous week and to resolve to do better in the week ahead.
When considering a disciplinary regime for 18+ sons and daughters still living in the family home, many parents (quite understandably) think of spanking as a short-term response to negative behaviors. And indeed spankings can and do work in that way and much more effectively than other forms of discipline. But rather than thinking in terms of such short-term correction, it is much better to take a longer view. In this way, parental discipline can become a much more positive experience for everyone.
In the beginning of our arrangement with our daughter, we were very much focused on correcting those aspects of Melanie’s behavior and attitude with which we were very familiar. So she found herself regularly taking a trip over my lap or her father’s knee until she learned to adjust. In those early weeks and months consistency was the key – and every single one of those spankings helped Melanie to achieve the correction in her attitude and conduct that we all desired.
So six months down the line we had an 18 year old daughter who had learned the importance of being respectful and considerate, honest and dutiful, diligent in her school work and in her household chores. This is not to say that since then Melanie has always lived up to the high standards that we have set for her. She certainly has fallen short on many occasions. But the most important thing is that she learned through discipline that these standards are important – a higher level to which she should constantly aspire.
So the positive disciplinary approach which we have carried forward isn’t merely aimed at a short-term correction by spanking of behaviors that arise from one week to the next. Rather it is a disciplinary regime that constantly challenges Melanie to aspire to continuous improvement in every aspect of her life.
Although some parents might feel intuitively that spanking really is the best form of discipline for their 18+ daughter, they are reluctant to proceed with such an arrangement because they feel that it might in some way be ‘inappropriate’. Of course such feelings are entirely misplaced and I would suggest that they be discussed openly so that any such anxieties can be addressed and set aside in the interest of providing the kind of effective discipline that their daughter requires.
One of these parental anxieties arises around the question of the propriety of the bare-bottom spanking of their 18 year old daughters – and if this is an issue for moms, then it may be an even bigger issue for dads. However, from the point of view of their daughter who is freely entering into such a disciplinary arrangement, this is not a big issue at all. In our own case, Melanie was very clear on this point – that she expected that all her spankings from myself or her father would be given on her bare bottom. That was clearly the most effective way to give a spanking, so in Melanie’s mind there was never any doubt about the need for her panties to come down. In fact she would have been mightily disappointed if myself or her dad had failed to step up on this issue. Certainly for her dad it was a sense of righteous parental duty that overcame any qualms that he might initially have felt at the prospect of having his 18 year old daughter over his lap, with her panties down.
A bare-bottom spanking is effective because it makes the disciplinary experience for the naughty girl much more meaningful and memorable. So in taking Melanie’s panties down before a spanking, we are demonstrating our parental authority in a manner which is very positive and purposeful, with no qualms whatever about propriety. It is our duty as her parents to spank our daughter on her bare bottom and Melanie respects us all the more for so doing.
Summer is the time when many 18+ girls come home from college. So it is a happy time, but can also be a challenging one for many parents. Their daughter has been living away from home for an extended period and so has learned to think differently about many things. Of course this is as it should be, but the summer vacation provides a great opportunity for parents to assess their daughter’s attitude and behavior. So what better time to discuss the implementation of a domestic disciplinary code for the summer months.
A college girl likes to present an image of herself as the very mature and independent young lady. But although she might not admit to it openly, when she comes home she wants the security that she can get by submission to parental authority. In other words while she has been away from home, she has missed the firm hand of parental guidance. So the best thing her parents can do is to offer to provide that firm guidance through the summer months, correcting any college girl attitude and misbehavior in the good, old-fashioned way – with lectures, bare-bottom spankings and cornertime.